I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
