So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
