I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
