I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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