So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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