I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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