Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize