sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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