i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
