Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
