just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
