All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
