brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize