Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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