i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
