I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
