Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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