Christians are straight up FREAKS
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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