My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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