he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
