i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
