We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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