come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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