wakey wakey hands off snakey
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
