I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
do herpes really smell.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
