arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
