the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
