I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
