there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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