uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize