ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
