explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
