Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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