I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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