You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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