I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
