I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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