The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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