Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize