it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
