Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
