Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
