You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
