They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
