There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
