Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
