She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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