And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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