Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
