she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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