You can't special order awesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
