i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
