Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
