I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
