Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
