You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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