Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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