so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
