If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
