cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
