i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
