i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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