3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
