giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
