u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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