Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
