Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
