The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
