even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
