69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
