legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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