do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
