I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
