Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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