My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize