so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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