hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
