Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
