just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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