just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
