Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
