Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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