i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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