she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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