I just saw a hot homeless man
Acid is not a monday night drug
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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