It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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