chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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