I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
