I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
