I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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