wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
