in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
