I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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