my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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