hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
