i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
