Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Buhtt sex?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
