we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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