Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
