sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
