Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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