you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
