one two three fourrrrnication!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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