He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
