Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
