I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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