my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
