I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wow bdsm is so cute
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
